I tend to be a bit black and white. In this state of mind, it's easy to forget that certain times are temporary. So when we go out to lunch with friends and don't share one word of an adult conversation because every moment is concerned with things like - ma'am do you have a high chair with a buckle that actually works and luke eat your green beans and don't throw that on the floor again and why is he screaming and can you hand me a wipe and I'll just walk him outside and then the bill comes and we've spent $36 to scarf down the lunch special as fast as we can so that little man doesn't disturb the dining patrons who are paying to enjoy a lunch without a toddler and we feel guilty and wasteful and wonder why we didn't just make PB&J at the house - I tend to imagine hundreds of lunches like this one with no relief. Hello? This is temporary.
I remember when Luke was three or four months old and I cried to my husband and told him I would never ever never ever ever get to sleep through the night again. I don't even know when it happened but I know Luke has slept through the night for months and months. Hello! That was temporary.
Or when Luke was two weeks old and my friend Kathryn came to visit and I told her I hated breastfeeding because it took forty-five minutes every single time and I would never do anything else but sit in a chair and nurse. And then, sometime around the three or four month mark, breastfeeding became so easy and nice and wonderful and I actually grew to love it. And then my milk dried up and now I've weaned an almost twelve month old and I may or may not have cried myself to sleep about it the other night because I'm so sad that we're not nursing anymore. Hello. It was temporary. And it was always going to be - temporary.
There is a precious lovely interesting and satisfying state of mind when I let go - because the tough times will pass - and when I hold on - because these sweet moments are fleeting. When I care a little less about the instances I want to forget, and care a little more about the times I love so much.
