peace

Today we had the anatomy scan.
If you've ever been pregnant, you probably know.
It's the big one.  The fun one.  The gender-revealing-one if you choose.
The one where they measure long bones and check the heart for four chambers.
The one where they scan the brain and see how many vessels are in the cord.
The one where they show you the kidneys, abdomen, mouth, eyelids, fingers, and toes.

Right after Luke was born I wondered if I would be able to have another baby.
Because of his leg, I was so worried that I would have another little one with special needs.
Could I handle it?  Would it be fair to the child?
What if it was something much worse than a leg?
What if I was not meant to have babies?  

But time passed and eventually I just knew that we would do it all again. 
But I also knew that I would spend nine months terrified.  Waiting.  Wondering.  Scared.

And then we were pregnant.
And in the moment that I got that positive test....
In my bathroom.  Alone.
I was filled with the most incredible, overwhelming, tangible sense of peace.

A whisper deep in my soul and right into my heart.
It's going to be okay.

Not that it would be perfect or easy.
Not that this child would be healthy.
Not that pregnancy would be textbook.

But that no matter what.
It would be okay.

And that peace has stayed with me throughout the last twenty weeks.
I can honestly say that I have worried very little.
There are days when I have to stop and choose to trust, yes.
But the choice has been easy because the peace fills me completely. 

To be perfectly honest...
I have worried more that I would start to worry than I have worried about this baby.
Does that even make sense?  I worry that I will lose the peace.

I worried about this as we approached the big ultrasound.
But all I felt was peace.  And excitement!
I could not sleep for three nights but I was not worried!  I was excited!

Today was awesome.
It was filled with joy and surprise and laughter and happy tears.

And although I am so glad that I know a little more about the babe in my belly...
I am most thankful for the peace that was with me all day long.

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way.
2 Thessalonians 3:16 


We'll reveal the gender soon.  I'm not good at keeping secrets.  ;)
But tonight, I wanted to share what is most important.